


Mirror Talk

by ChuckShipsIt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Depression, Self-Harm, Self-haterd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChuckShipsIt/pseuds/ChuckShipsIt
Summary: Castiel once heard that it wasn't good to bottle everything up, so he talks, he doesn't talk to Dean, or Sam, nor to his brethren.





	

Castiel once heard that it wasn't good to bottle everything up, so he talks, not to Dean, or Sam, nor to his brethren. He knows that none of them really care about what he is feeling, so he talks to a mirror. He talks when he knows nothing disastrous will come in the next day, or when he gets that itching silence when he's alone. When he stops talking and just stares in the mirror; he feels lighter. He hasn't talked in weeks, his mouth twitches to speak but he bites back and swallows every word he wishes to utter. He follows the directions that are thrown at him and he tries not to break when someone yells at him for not being fast enough. Castiel stands in front of the mirror after everyone went to bed, he takes in his worn out appearance. 

"It's been a while." He whispered, his eyes welled up with tears. "A lot has happened since the last time I've talked. Dean and Sam asked me to accompany them on a hunt, a vampire nest." His fingers slid down his back and stopped a little bit below the shoulders. "I was surrounded, by five vampires, and you know I'm not as powerful as I used to be." A bitter chuckle escaped from his lips as the tears flowed down his cheeks. "A little girl died, and Dean...Dean was so furious. He was yelling things, like how I should have been faster, how I should have protected her, how it was my job to protect those who can not possibly protect themselves." 

A sobbed broke through the air as he closed his eyes. "I did not ask for this." His body was trembling and before he knew what was happening, he dropped to his knees. "I did not ask to be an angel, nor did I ask for the task to protect those who can not possibly protect themselves." He took a deep breath. "I did not ask for a family that loathes me nor did I ask for Sam and Dean to tell me that I am family then treat me like...a weapon. I asked for none of this, and yet, God has granted me all of this." 

His hand fell limply to his side. "I do not know how much more I can take." Another sob lingered in the air. "I am broken, and all used up. Dean and Sam will soon realize I am not useful and abandon me, and then I will have no one. What am I supposed to do?" He opened his eyes and stood up on shaky legs. "I should just end it, it'll make life easier for everyone, and I will finally be at peace, don't I deserve that much?" His hand laid against the cool glass. 

Castiel turned his head, his angel blade laid on the wooden dresser, it was begging to be used. His hands trembled as they rushed to take off his layers, as his tears danced down his face; forgotten. He lunged for the blade, the cool metal laid heavy in his hands, he took a deep breath before it meant his skin. He stared at the blood that slowly dripped from his arm before a knock woke him up from his daze state. 

"Cas?" Dean asked behind the door. "I'm sorry. I was a huge jerk, earlier, and you don't deserve that, man." 

Castiel didn't respond as the blade shook in his hands. 

"Cas, buddy, are you there?" 

He dropped the blade as he watched the wound slowly healed, you coward. The door creaked open, and Dean stepped inside with a face full of worry. 

"Cas, why are you crying? What's wrong?" 

"Everything!" Castiel whipped around to face Dean. "Everything is wrong! My family hates me, my wings are torn and I can't fly, even though that is the only way that I can feel free. I am tasked to protect you...you humans! You only take and take, and when I need something or if I ask you to do me a favor, I get knock down! I'm broken! YOU MADE ME BROKEN!" His hands clenched by his sides. "You can sprout about how I am family but at the end of the day, I'm nothing more than a tool for you to use and criticize. I'm so tired. Dean, I'm so tired." His body slumped. 

Dean swallowed the huge lump that didn't seem to disappear. "Castiel, listen to me, what you're feeling right now, it won't last forever. You're just at a low point right now, and I am truly sorry that we make you feel that way and I promise you, I promise you, that we'll fix it." 

Castiel looked up at Dean and shook his head. "I'm too tired to fix this." He started to wipe his tears. "I'm too tired to fix another one of your mistakes." He grabbed his blade before he slowly made his way toward the door. "I'm done talking to a mirror." 

"Cas, Castiel, wait!" Fear crawled its way up Deans throat. "Please...don't leave." His eyes shined as tears started to flow down his cheeks. "I love you." His arms wrapped around Castiel's shaking body. 

"What does that even mean?" He whispered.

"It means...it means, that I will fuck up and probably mess you up more than you already are, but, but, I will always be there for you. For the good and the bad, till either one of us dies, till the world ends. I will never give up on you. So please...please... stay...we can fix this, I promise you!" His body was trembling as snot slid down his lip. "I love you...I love you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He dropped to his knees as he held on tightly to Castiel's pants. "Don't leave me...you're the only thing that makes me remotely happy." 

"I don't know what to do." 

Deans head softly touched Castiel's leg. "Stay, let me love you, love you the way you deserve to be loved." 

"I don't want you to hurt me again..." 

"I can't promise that I won't hurt you, I will, but I promise you, that I will always fix it." 

"What if it can't be fixed?" 

"Then, I will love the broken pieces."


End file.
